I love airports and I love flying. It’s peaceful to me. No one can find me. I sit. Still. Contemplate. Read. Thoughts that have been hidden deep inside are allowed to emerge into consciousness. Ideas surface. My mind floats along with the clouds. I can be one.
One of my favorite things to do at the airport is to cruise the bookstores and take a look at the latest best sellers. I always have a pen and paper with me so I can jot down the names of books that I want to read and hope to get out of the local library. Maria Shriver’s latest book caught my eye, “Just Who Will You Be: It’s Never Too Late To Become The Person You Want To Be.”
Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? Who do I want to be?
I’d been thinking a bit about these very questions as during our recent visit to the States, we fielded a lot of questions from family and friends about why were in New Zealand. Excellent question! ‘Why have we come to New Zealand; what are we hoping to achieve; what are we supposed to be doing here’ are questions that have run through our heads millions of times over the last few years.
And while we can come up with a host of reasons – we wanted a change, we wanted the chance to live abroad, we’re concerned about the future of the US, we want to create new opportunities for ourselves – the real reason goes much deeper, down to the soul level, for why we are in New Zealand is inextricably linked to who we are and who we are becoming.
While all the reasons above are valid, they’re not the reason we’re here. They helped us to formulate the story, helped us wrap our heads around the crazy thing that we were about to do, enabled us to move forward on our journey down the rocky path called life.
Another equally valid reason would be to just say ‘I don’t know.’ I don’t know why were are actually here. The universe hasn’t quite revealed the true reason to us yet, although we seem to be getting clues all the time. But what I do know is that way down inside, down in the unconscious abyss, is a knowing that this, being here in New Zealand, is what needs to come next for us. For us as individuals, for us as a couple, for us to continue becoming.
I have a drive to create something of beauty, something that will outlive me, a dream of creating a sanctuary, a place of peacefulness and healing and rejuvenation from the craziness that is this modern world.
I am only forty-four, an age to continue thriving, to leave a legacy, to do what I was created to do. It’s not too late.
I want to become the person I want to be.
I am becoming.